Yearbook: Class of the Red Flags

Here’s a tribute to some of the partners that self-help dating author Brianna McCabe has encountered along the dating journey. (And she’s not alone!)

Each taught her valuable lessons about trust, boundaries, and self-worth, all of which she’s incorporated within the pages of The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored.

The Jock Who Played the Field

WHY IT COULD BE A RED FLAG: This type of individual may exhibit patterns of commitment avoidance, or a behavior where an individual resists forming long-term emotional or relational bonds often due to fear of intimacy or vulnerability. The jock who played the field could also be showing characteristics of hyper-sexuality, which can indicate a lack of emotional depth, impulse control, or an underlying need for external validation. Oftentimes, this individual may seek praise of the display of appearing to be in a relationship (or even “claiming” someone) as opposed to the sanctity and depth of actually being in a relationship. Overall, this individual may be demonstrating an inability to form lasting emotional bonds.

The Coworker Who Wanted to Collaborate After Hours

WHY IT COULD BE A RED FLAG: A coworker who insists on pushing work boundaries and connecting in non-work-related environments is potentially a red flag because it blurs the lines between professional and personal interactions. This can quickly escalate into a territory of mess (and potentially even harassment). For instance, the coworker might use an after-hour meeting as a plot to pursue a romantic or sexual agenda, which could lead to a seriously uncomfortable and/or manipulative situation. Remember: A person with sincere intentions will maintain a respectful distance and will be open and honest about their motives for wanting to connect.

The Dad Who Was Everywhere but Home

WHY IT COULD BE A RED FLAG: Dating someone who is a parent but is never home with their own children can be a red flag because it suggests emotional neglect, which occurs when a parent fails to provide the emotional support, attention, and love a child needs — which then manifests into a child feeling unloved and/or neglected. Additionally, this could signal that an individual harbors a lack of responsibility or that they may struggle with prioritizing important relationships. This behavior might reflect avoidance of personal accountability or an inability to connect deeply with their loved ones, raising concerns about how they would invest time and energy in a romantic relationship.

The Upperclassman Who Only Dated Younger Women

WHY IT COULD BE A RED FLAG: Such individuals might be seeking relationships with younger partners to exploit power imbalances. This dynamic can lead to manipulation, as they may take advantage of the differences in life experiences and emotional regulation/maturity. Additionally, this might signal an underlying immaturity or a lack of commitment to developing relationships with others who are at a similar stage in life. If someone is consistently seeking out younger partners, it’s worth questioning whether they are genuinely interested in a balanced, respectful relationship or if they are looking for someone they deem “weak,” “easy” and/or less likely to challenge their behavior.

The Gaslighter with Another Flame

WHY IT COULD BE A RED FLAG: A gaslighter uses manipulation to distort their partner’s perception of reality, often making their partner doubt their own thoughts, feelings, or recollections of events. Gaslighting is a tactic rooted in a deep desire to gain control over their target and create a power imbalance in an attempt to create codependency. They form an illusion of love through manipulation and charm, but ultimately cultivate experiences that cause nothing but confusion and disorienting dynamics — such as having another love interest or target — to erode their partner’s trust and self-worth. This can cause significant damage to an individual’s self-esteem and mental health.

The One Who Almost Got Away… From His Current Girlfriend

WHY IT COULD BE A RED FLAG: Dating someone who is already in a relationship is a major red flag because it signals a lack of integrity, honesty, and respect for commitment. It suggests that the person may be comfortable with deceit and could likely repeat this behavior, making it difficult to trust them in the future. Their willingness to cheat on their partner reflects an inability to honor relationship agreements and also showcases that they may be focused on their own needs without considering any of the emotional consequences. Engaging with someone in a relationship might suggest that you're tolerating less than you deserve due to factors such as low self-esteem or fear of loneliness.

The Stone Cold Narcissist

WHY IT COULD BE A RED FLAG: Narcissistic individuals harbor a grandiose sense of self and lack empathy for others. a narcissist’s constant need for admiration and ego validation leads to behaviors in which they drain and/or exploit their partner’s — otherwise known as narcissistic supply’s — resources, time, and emotions without reciprocation or any genuine intimacy in return in an effort to create an imbalanced relationship and gain control. Narcissists move through three phases: idealization (where love bombing occurs), devaluation (where gaslighting occurs), and discarding. The goal of the narcissist is to create codependency through emotional, physical and mental exhaustion.

The Con Artist Who Painted an Illusion

WHY IT COULD BE A RED FLAG: A con man engages in deceptive and manipulative behavior where they’re often charming at first — but this is an act to ultimately take advantage of their target emotionally, financially, or psychologically. These individuals lack remorse and exhibit superficial charm, hiding their true intentions. In relationships, a con man creates a pseudo-identity to exploit their partner’s trust. This type of person operates on a premise of dishonesty and manipulation, leaving their target betrayed and broken once their true intentions are revealed. Dating a con man can result in severe damage such as financial loss, emotional trauma, and/or a diminished sense of self-worth.

Tap the images below to the far right to see where these characters appear within The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored.

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT RED FLAGS, GRAB A COPY OF BRIANNA MCCABE’S SELF-HELP DATING BOOK, THE RED FLAGS I'VE (REPEATEDLY) IGNORED.