These 3 Green Flags May Actually Be Red Flags – And Here's Why

When looking for “the one” while dating, it’s quite natural — and even reassuring — to seek out green flags. These positive indicators tend to signify that a person is trustworthy, respectful, and compatible with our lifestyles and outlooks on life in the hopes of cultivating an everlasting, healthy bond. These signs, though typically associated with positivity and promise, can sometimes mask underlying issues that may be indicative of a potentially tumultuous relationship.

Yes, you read that right. 

Sometimes the signs we think are green may actually be a red flag in disguise.

Self-help dating author Brianna McCabe delves deeper into this phenomenon and highlights three instances in which seemingly positive signs may warrant a closer inspection:

1. Constant communication.

While it may feel comforting to have a partner who is constantly engaged and available for a quick chat, excessive communication can sometimes signal insecurity, possessiveness, or even the creation of a codependent relationship.

“Maintaining open lines of communication is critical for creating and sustaining a healthy relationship, but the inability to respect boundaries and personal space can potentially signal danger if this relationship were to evolve,” shares McCabe, author of The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored.

Healthy relationships thrive on a balance between togetherness and individuality, so it’s critical to recognize that constantly feeling the need to be connected through text, calls, or social tags can begin to veer into the territory of overbearing behavior.

2. Grandiose gestures.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever wanted to be whisked away by your very own Prince Charming 🙋‍♀️

Listen, you’re not alone. In fact, this idea of living in a fairytale has been embedded into our minds at such a young age through the various types of media that we’ve consumed (but that’s another discussion for another day).

So, if you’ve grown up on nothing but Disney movies and romcoms, you more than likely have subconsciously become conditioned to craving grandiose romantic gestures, surprise gifts, and elaborate displays of affection. However, if this is happening too early into dating — and the actions don’t seem to match where you feel the depth of the relationship actually is — this could be a sign of love bombing.

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to overwhelm their victims with adoration, praise, and affection to create this illusion of an intense connection, only to then use this to gain control of the individual and lead to manipulation. In her book, McCabe identifies the three phases of being a victim of narcissistic abuse throughout the chapter, The Stone-Cold Narcissist, and shares how her judgment became clouded by the initial love bombing that hooked her in.

“True intimacy requires time, genuine understanding, healthy communication, and shared experiences, not elaborate gifts or extravagant events of trying to ‘woo’ the other,” comments McCabe. “And always remember, if it feels too good to be true too quickly, it often is.”

3. Lack of conflict.

Harmony and agreement can signify that you have found someone who shares mutual understanding and compatibility. However, the total absence of any disagreement or conflict may not always be healthy if someone is actually suppressing their disagreements to maintain the peace. This can then lead to tensions simmering beneath the surface until they ultimately explode. Instead, it’s critical that partners foster a healthy, respectable mode of communication in which they feel comfortable in sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment.

“Genuine compromise and communication is the real green flag,” expresses McCabe.

While green flags offer glimpses of hope, it is important to remain receptive to the real meaning behind the signs we’re identifying. By cultivating self-awareness and maintaining a healthy balance between optimism and skepticism, we can navigate the complexities of relationships with better clarity, and insight. 

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT DATING, SELF-LOVE, AND RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS, GRAB A COPY OF BRIANNA MCCABE’S SELF-HELP BOOK, THE RED FLAGS I'VE (REPEATEDLY) IGNORED.