Unmasking Love Bombing: 3 Signs the Fireworks Were Just a Facade
Love bombing: yes, it’s as destructive as it sounds.
What you thought was a never-ending display of fireworks and romance is actually a manipulative technique deployed by individuals, including those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), to ultimately gain control and influence over you.
Constant sparks that fill your skies with their “I love you” sentiments, the overwhelming attention and communication that they provide, and the showering of gifts and flattery are intentional tactics that they leverage to overwhelm you, create dependency, and establish control over your emotions.
When you’re in it, it’s easy to become hypnotized. However, behind the explosion of well-calculated “affection” lies a more sinister truth that hits you in the grand finale: it was nothing more than a facade.
According to self-help dating author Brianna McCabe, these are three telltale signs of love bombing:
1. It feels like there’s a hyper-fixation on the intensity of their acts over the actual substance of the relationship.
Love bombing often operates on the principle of overwhelming you with adoration, affection, and attention at an unsustainable pace that doesn’t quite meet where you feel the relationship truly is. The bomber isn’t interested in building a genuine connection, but instead is motivated by the goal of creating an illusion of intimacy.
“Through the implementation of grand gestures and lavish gifts they hope to make you feel loved, desired, special, and deeply connected to then make you feel ‘safe enough’ to lower your guard,” shares McCabe. “Essentially they cloud your judgment so that you overlook any of their red flags.”
If the relationship starts to feel like it’s too much too soon, it’s time to pause and reflect. Love doesn’t rely on these excessive displays, but instead thrives on meaningful connections.
2. It feels like there’s an uneven power dynamic.
Healthy relationships thrive off of the foundation of reciprocity in which both partners are equally contributing to the others’ wants and needs. However, in a love bombing scenario, the bomber quickly starts to create an imbalance by quickly suffocating their victim through the intensity of it all. By maintaining this upperhand, love bombers can fulfill their own needs for validation, entitlement, control, and superiority by keeping their victim dependent, compliant, and insecure.
“Real love should never feel one-sided,” adds McCabe.
3. It feels like the firework display came to an abrupt end — and you can’t help but wonder what you did to “deserve” it.
News flash: nothing.
If you’re in a relationship with a person who has NPD, the three phases of the relationship typically include:
Idealization (where love bombing takes place)
Devaluation (where gaslighting occurs)
Discarding (where they leave you and find someone else for their supply)
Essentially, love bombing is only used to hook you in. Once they feel like they have you, the bomber then becomes hostile, critical, abusive, and distant to make you feel insecure and inferior — which can leave you wondering what went wrong (and lead to you questioning your own worth).
“Codependency is what they crave,” explains McCabe. “They distort your own perceptions of reality to leave you feeling vulnerable, confused, and worthless all to feed their own faulty ego and loose sense of self-importance.
True love is not about flashy fireworks, but about the steady glow of genuine connection built on trust, respect, and mutual support.
If you are in an abusive relationship, know that you are not alone and help is available. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.BRIANNA MCCABE discusses her experience with having dated a narcissist in chapter, "The Stone-Cold Narcissist."