9 Major Red Flags to Beware of While Dating
Self-help dating author Brianna McCabe shares insights into nine relationship red flags to beware of with a [potential] partner.They’re rude to staff.
When (and to whom) a person shows respect is a reflection of their character. Do they make eye contact when speaking to the server? Do they say “thank you” to the barista who hands them their drink? Do they step out of the way of the salesperson rolling a heavy cart of inventory through a store? Small acts of kindness like these can be an indicator of a person’s integrity. This, of course, is just one aspect of someone’s personality, but can help gauge their level of empathy.
They immediately ask for nudes and/or start sending unsolicited pictures.
Asking for nudes isn’t inherently a bad thing — this depends on your preference and what you’re comfortable with. However, if your response is “no” and then the conversation turns sour, that’s a sign that they may just be after one thing. Unsolicited nudes are, unfortunately, more common than we’d like to admit. (Raise your hand if you’ve ever unwittingly opened a Snapchat and been slapped with the image of a man’s d*ck. 🙋♀️) They are a violation of our boundaries and should be treated as such. Again, if you communicate that you would not like to receive d*ck pics going forward, and the conversation gets ugly — just dip. They’re vile and not worth your time.
They bring up their ex often (bonus points if they refer to them as “crazy”)
When you’re getting to know someone, past relationships are bound to come up. Relationships, romantic or not, shape who we are and who we’re becoming. But if your date is constantly bringing up their ex, it may be a sign that they’re still attached to them in one way or another. Moreover, if they refer to their ex as “crazy” and bash them every chance they get, what’s to say they wouldn’t do the same with you? It also shows a lack of accountability and what their role was in the relationship deteriorating and ultimately ending.
They’re inconsistent.
Consistency, especially when establishing a relationship, is key. Demonstrating that they are interested doesn’t have to be anything grand, either. A simple text in the morning to let you know they’re thinking about you or making it a point to see each other at least once a week are small ways a person can show that they’re interested and committed to getting to know each other. If a person is showing up and showering you with attention one week, and then barely talks to you the next, it can feel like you did something wrong. (News flash: it’s not on you.) The hard truth is, if you’re on their mind, it doesn’t take much effort to let you know.
They disregard your boundaries.
Respecting someone’s boundaries is vital for fostering a safe and stable environment where a relationship can grow. A successful romantic relationship should have a foundation of mutual respect, so acknowledging and honoring someone’s preferences and boundaries is crucial. By not doing so, it demonstrates a lack of care and equality. It creates an environment where considerations for your feelings or needs are not valued. Your feelings are valid and deserve to be taken seriously.
They’re unwilling to compromise.
Balance is important in all areas of life — and the ability to compromise in a romantic relationship is necessary for success. If one person is always getting what they want, that usually means the other person is sacrificing their wants and needs which can lead to resentment down the road. Knowing how to compromise requires good communication and emotional control — two things which are critical for a healthy relationship. Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you should be forced to do things that make you uncomfortable (like things that cross a personal boundary), but finding common ground and learning to navigate differences allows you to create a harmonious connection with your partner.
They escalate situations with aggression.
Escalating situations with aggression is a BIG red flag because it signifies a lack of knowledge or ability to handle conflict resolution and can lead to a toxic or potentially dangerous environment. Not being able to manage emotions constructively can lead to outbursts that damage trust in the relationship. Aggression, especially towards a partner, should always be cause for concern as it can lead to verbal or even physical harm and may denote deeper issues.
They have mismatched values.
It’s not realistic to assume your partner’s opinions on all topics are going to line up perfectly. It’s normal to have differing views on varying topics — our individual life experiences lead to unique understandings about the world. However, if your core moral values don’t match up, it’s most likely a sign that you and your partner are not compatible. Being able to have constructive conversations where both parties feel heard and understood is healthy, but finding common ground with certain things like monogamy, having children, or roles in a relationship are imperative for long-term success.
They easily get jealous.
One of the biggest red flags that can be easily disguised as “care” or “concern” is a (potential) partner who displays manipulative or jealous tendencies. If they are jealous, that is not your issue to solve. Let’s say you’ve gone on two dates and are getting ready for a third: you’re texting your date and talking about how you’re excited to see each other. All of a sudden, though, you get a text from them that says something along the lines of, “Last time I saw you, you looked so good. I hated the idea of other guys looking at you though. I want to have you all to myself.” When you’re swept up in the bliss of the early days or romance, something like that can sound sweet, but when you take the rose-colored glasses off, you may be able to see it for what it really is, which is that they are insecure and worried about you and your looks. While comments like this can be innocent, they oftentimes are early signs of issues that will arise later in the relationship.
To learn more about relationship red flags and danger signs, grab a copy of Brianna McCabe’s self-help book, The Red Flags I've (Repeatedly) Ignored.