NJ Dating Author Warns of 4 Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore This Valentine's Day

Author Brianna McCabe shares insights into relationship red flags in self-help book, The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored.

 Love is in the air… and so are red flags disguised as romance.

Brianna McCabe, author of The Red Flags I've (Repeatedly Ignored, is on a mission to help others avoid heartbreak by sharing stories of her own. Her self-help dating book is one of growth, resilience and self-discovery – one she hopes others can use to heal and find their strengths.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, McCabe outlines four red flags to watch out for:

Red flag #1: They’re rude to service workers during your date.

Picture this: your date has made reservations on February 14 to spend quality time with you at one of your favorite restaurants. To many, this exemplifies green flags in that they were proactive, prepared and thoughtful – and that should not go unnoticed or underappreciated.

However, if during the date they appear comfortable being rude or dismissive to any wait staff personnel, this could be indicative that they feel certain individuals are “beneath” them. As such, your date may be falsely rationalizing why it may be appropriate to speak to others in a condescending or derogatory manner.

Regardless of the reasoning, this shouldn’t be tolerated as all humans are deserving of respect. 

If you notice this red flag, you should pause and evaluate whether or not you want to proceed with this person. Always remember: how they talk to others may eventually be how they talk to you. 

Red flag #2: They bring up their “crazy” ex(es) and past “trash” Valentine’s experiences while with you.

Along the dating journey, it’s unfortunately not uncommon to hear someone label an ex as “crazy” – but what shouldn’t be as common is the acceptance of these words as anything other than being riddled in red flags.

To talk about an ex in a slanderous way shows that your partner may be bitter, jealous, obsessed, disrespectful and/or one-sided while also attempting to paint themselves as the victim in the situation. 

It’s critical that partners put in effort to have real, authentic and healthy communications – otherwise we set ourselves up for more “crazy” in the end. And should you ultimately become an ex, they more than likely will talk about you in the same capacity.

Red flag #3: They criticize and minimize the holiday, despite you having vocalized that you enjoy it.

Some people may not enjoy celebrating Valentine’s Day for a variety of reasons, such as feeling like it’s overly-commercialized or overly-expensive. While others may not agree with this perspective, their beliefs should be acknowledged.

With that in mind, though, if you have conflicting views of the holiday and have voiced this to your partner, both of you should find a compromise to make the day enjoyable. If your partner refuses to budge on their stance, this should be considered a red flag.

Being with a partner who fails to see the power of compromise can lead to one-sided relationships where one partner feels like they are constantly bending, with no reciprocation from the other. In the end, this can harbor feelings of resentment, dissatisfaction, and depletion.

In a healthy relationship, both partners must make the effort to consider the other’s needs and desires. 

Red flag #4: They buy you an expensive gift that doesn't match where you feel the relationship currently stands.

Some individuals enjoy splurging on expensive items for their partners, especially if gift giving is their love language.

However, if the relationship is still early or it feels like the gift doesn’t match where you believe the relationship actually is, an expensive gift could be a sign of “love bombing,” or a tactic commonly used by narcissists to overwhelm someone with attraction in an effort to ultimately manipulate them. The intent of the “bomber” is to create a codependent relationship where they quickly become the most important person in your life – which makes it easier for them to devalue and discard you over time.

Recognizing the signs of narcissistic tendencies, such as love bombing, lacking empathy, having a big ego, and/or needing validation, is critical to avoid entering a potentially toxic relationship. Don’t let the dopamine rush of receiving an expensive gift potentially colorblind you to the flag at-hand.

“Remember, roses aren’t the only thing that can be red this Valentine’s Day,” shares McCabe.

To purchase a copy of The Red Flags I’ve Repeatedly Ignored, visit this page or attend one of McCabe’s upcoming book signing events.