Red Flag Dating Author Breaks Down ‘Who TF Did I Marry?’ 50-Part Viral Series on TikTok, Identifies Red Flags Along Woman’s Chaotic Relationship with ‘Pathological Liar’
FEBRUARY 2023 – “It was the United Nation of Red Flags,” announces TikTok user @ReesaMTeesa in the first video of her 50-part series Who TF Did I Marry? on TikTok. “You would’ve thought I was colorblind because I ignored all of them.”
In ten-minute storytelling increments, the Atlanta-based creator – who has amassed an average of more than 1 million likes per video since launching on February 14 – shares the 18-month story of her meeting her “pathological liar” of an ex in March 2020, marrying him in January 2021, and ultimately filing for divorce in August 2021.
As Reesa outlines how she had met her ex, several red flags were identified including that his profiles on both Facebook Dating and Hinge had different names and different photos – which she had matched with on both platforms but didn’t realize – and he showered her with excessive adoration on the first date, such as him intentionally playing a John Legend song which alluded to him having “met his wife tonight.”
Brianna McCabe, New Jersey author of The Red Flags I’ve Repeatedly Ignored, comments that Reesa saw the red flags but ended up disregarding them due to the conflicting perceived green flags on their date. “Reesa recounts positive moments from their initial interaction including how he had not only helped change her flat tire but paid for a new one on her way to the date,” shares McCabe. Reesa also shared that he appeared to be transparent in having been divorced and he seemed to be in alignment in wanting to date for marriage. “Reesa may have rationalized these pseudo positive signs as her having finally met ‘the one,’ but really, it was too good to be true,” the self-help dating author added.
Within less than one month of dating, Reesa invited her ex to her house to quarantine together, where he then helped pay the rent and utilities. Despite her recognizing that this decision went against her internal beliefs of never wanting to live with a man unless it was her husband, she states, “It was intoxicating to not have to worry financially about how to pay the bills.”
“Changing your values and beliefs for a partner is a huge red flag,” comments McCabe. “Reesa should’ve realized that this was out of her character and instead invested in defining her core to solidify that no relationship separates her from her authentic sense of self.”
Reesa later shares how her ex claimed that he was unable to be there for her during difficult times due to work conflicts, including a miscarriage, but she moved forward with a marriage anyway. “In my book I share how I dealt with the pains and complications of a miscarriage alone while trying to save a relationship with an incompatible partner, so I can relate to the whirlwind of emotions that the creator probably faced during that time,” reflects McCabe. “We need to forgive ourselves for thinking that these individuals were capable of loving us the way we hoped, but we also need to take the proper steps back to heal so as to never allow ourselves in these types of situations again.”
As the series progresses, Reesa unveils more lies from her ex including fabricated phone call conversations with his brother “John” (who it was later revealed he had a falling out with in 2015), falsities about him being a VP at a condiment company when he was actually temporary forklift driver, and cover-ups of him only having been married once. The TikTok creator revealed that a mismatch in his social security number from the marriage license caused her to start digging.
“Though the series is entertaining, it’s also educational in that the creator pauses and reflects to call out her own red flags and take accountability in the role that she played, too,” comments McCabe. “And that’s where the power lies in a person’s evolution.”
According to McCabe, there are several compounding factors that contribute to an individual ignoring red flags, including a lack of self-love and self-worth which makes you crave validation and attention from anyone and everyone – regardless of their character, loneliness, this mentality that you can “change” a person, and an inability to trust your own gut.
“There’s a level of cruelty to my ex-husband that I have never experienced before,” Reesa says in Part 50. “And God knows I pray I never experience that again.”
If you recognize a pattern of previous unhealthy relationships and fear that you may fall into a similar cycle, McCabe advises that you learn to connect with yourself, nurture yourself, and set the boundaries for how you expect to be treated. “If you’re struggling with that dynamic, it may be recommended to partner with a mental health professional for effective strategies and mechanisms,” she further adds.
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ABOUT BRIANNA MCCABE
Brianna McCabe, MBA, is a marketing professional at one of the world’s largest public relations (PR) firms; an adjunct professor of public speaking and marketing; an author of The Red Flags I've (Repeatedly) Ignored, and a podcast host.
Brianna graduated from Monmouth University in West Long Branch, NJ, with a Master of Business Administration in 2019 and Bachelor’s in Journalism/Public Relations in 2015. She always knew that she would blend her love of marketing, writing, and higher education into her professional career upon graduation.
Visit thebriannamccabe.com to learn more. Connect with Brianna at contact@thebriannamccabe.com or across social media at @thebriannamccabe.
