A Look Into Millennial Dating: 4 Red Flags You May Come Across

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MAY 2024 – According to the 2023 “Singles in America” survey, 46% of millennials, or those born between 1981 – 1996, are looking for a committed, monogamous relationship. However, another study analyzing the same age group has shown that 25% of men and 17% of women are currently single. 

For those looking to step out of their singlehood and into a healthy, fulfilling partnership, the dating scene can seem a bit overwhelming. Whether you’re entering for the first time after a prolonged period of being single, you’re newly single, or you’re a more seasoned dater, your chances of encountering at least one red flag along the way are just about the same. 

New Jersey dating author Brianna McCabe, the writer behind The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored, outlines four red flags that millennials may come across and shares how to recognize the warnings.

1. The ones so desperate to get married, they’d settle down with just about anyone.

A quarter of 40-year-old American millennials have never been married, which is a record-breaking high according to Pew Research Center. 

While research has found that marriage rates have declined by roughly 60% over the last 50 years, 68% of single Americans still claim to want to get married one day.

“For some, that one day can really mean as soon as possible if it’s fueled by a sense of desperation,” explains McCabe.

Understanding the red flag

One survey revealed that millennials were 177% more likely to feel pressured to get married when compared to other generations. Factors that could influence this include societal or cultural influences, a desire to conceive and start a nuclear family of their own, financial troubles, unhealed traumas that falsely convince them into believing marriage will lead to validation, or the debilitating fear of being alone.

In fact, 1 in 3 adults fear being alone, which Psychology Today states can “push us to prioritize relationship status over relationship quality, leading to unhealthy partnerships.”

Recognizing the red flag

Some indicators that an individual may feel desperate to get married include constantly seeking out new relationships, refusing to be alone, or forcing existing ones to rapidly progress towards marriage in an unreasonable timeline and without any meaningful connection, claims McCabe.

“You may also notice that an individual seems to put marriage at the forefront of everything that they say or do, and prioritizes the idea of marriage without the actual sanctity of the relationship behind it,” warns McCabe. 

2. The ones who aren’t forthcoming with their sexualities.

Although a recent global survey has revealed that nearly 1 in 10 adults across 30 countries identify as LGBTQ, some believe that number may be inaccurate and skewed due to variables such as age, geography, and other societal pressures. In fact, researchers from the Yale School of Public Health have claimed that many individuals “keep their orientation hidden from all or most of the people in their lives,” and another study has found that nearly half of LGBTQ millennials were still not open about their sexual orientations at the time of being surveyed.

It’s important to recognize that “coming out” is a journey that’s unique to each person, especially if they aren’t ready, don’t feel supported, or perhaps aren’t fully understanding of it all, shares McCabe. “However, if the person is aware but not forthcoming, this can lead to challenges,” she says.

Understanding the red flag

Trust, communication, and honesty are integral to the creation of a healthy relationship. Therefore, by withholding information as fundamental to an individual’s identity as their sexuality, it could indicate that an individual struggles with self-acceptance, fears judgment, avoids communication surrounding important topics, or lacks transparency.

“This unclear communication can also create a mismatch of expectations which later snowballs into disappointments and other painful experiences for the parties involved,” adds McCabe. 

Recognizing the red flag

Some signs that a person isn’t being forthcoming about their sexuality include being secretive, avoiding intimacy, displaying discomfort or unease when the topic arises, or deflecting the topic entirely.

3. The ones in relationships yet still appearing on the market.

The Washington Times reported that, among millennials, women are more likely to have had sex with someone other than their spouse while married. However, another report has found that millennial men are more likely to cheat when their wives are the breadwinners.

When broadened across all generations and viewed holistically, though, one-third of Americans have admitted to cheating on their partner while in a committed relationship and 54% of those who have been in a monogamous relationship report having been on the receiving end of cheating.

There are several ways in which this scenario could potentially pan out, such as dating someone who is avidly hiding this part of their life, being fed a story that the relationship is “on the outs,” or being told that it’s complicated but not to worry, explains McCabe. 

Understanding the red flag

The motives for cheating vary from person to person pending the circumstances at-hand. Some studies have determined that individuals cheat due to neglect, anger, a need for variety, sexual desire, and opportunity.  

Regardless of the driving forces behind the behavior, this is an indicator that an individual is willing to betray the trust of their current partner and potentially struggles with honesty, communication, commitment, and integrity.

“In some cases, an individual may even crave the chaos and drama associated with cheating, which should be an automatic dealbreaker,” adds McCabe.

Recognizing the red flag

If a person is secretive about their personal life and adamantly avoids introducing you to their family or friends, McCabe warns that you could be dating a cheater.

Additionally, the author shares that if you feel as if an individual is squeezing time with you into certain blocks, canceling plans frequently, communicating with you on an inconsistent basis, avoiding going out with you in public, coming across as distant, or guarding their social profiles, this could suggest that they are in another relationship. 

4. The ones who love bomb.

With more than 909 million TikTok views for its hashtag and one study naming it a prevalent practice among millennials, Psychology Today defines love bombing as “an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection” including expensive gifts, long talks about the future, or the dropping of an “I love you” too soon into the relationship. The person initiating the love bombing isn’t interested in building a genuine connection, but instead is motivated by the goal of creating an illusion of intimacy. 

Understanding the red flag

Through the implementation of grand gestures and lavish gifts, these individuals hope to make their targets feel loved, desired, special, and deeply connected only so that they feel safe enough to lower their guards. Once they feel that they have successfully hooked their target in, the bomber may then become hostile, critical, abusive, and distant in an effort to devalue the other’s worth and create codependency. 

Psychology Today further explains that these individuals are like “emotional vampires because they use attention and affection to build trust as a means to maintain control and end up sucking the emotion and joy for life right out of their partners.” 

Recognizing the red flag

If the relationship starts to feel like it’s too much too soon, it’s time to pause and reflect. 

“It’s important that you don’t let any form of excessive romantic gestures cloud your judgment and impact your ability to spot a person’s red flags,” says McCabe. “It’s also just as important to remind yourself that true compatibility is built on meaningful connections, not fairytale-like gestures.”

The hope for millennials

When dating, it’s important to clearly establish what you want out of a relationship and define what you value in a partner. 

“While there are red flags out there, it’s important to refrain from just looking at the negatives because green flags do exist, too,”comments McCabe. 

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ABOUT BRIANNA MCCABE, MBA

Brianna McCabe, MBA, is a marketing professional with nearly one decade of experience, an adjunct professor of public speaking and marketing, and author of The Red Flags I've (Repeatedly) Ignored who has been featured in notable publications and outlets including Business Insider and U.S. News & World Report.

A writer by nature, Brianna authored The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored, a semi-autobiographical meets self-help book. She puts herself on the line in the hopes of cracking the code on sex, love, and relationships, but instead learns what it means to actually love herself. Brianna navigates the dating scene—eliminating potential boyfriends one red flag at a time—and shares all of her funny, raw, and real details with readers along the way. Endorsed by actor and comedian Tracy Morgan, he shared, "This book is entertaining, witty, shocking, and thought-provoking. I know Brianna is the real deal and wants to help others because there are as many lessons as there are laughs."

Visit thebriannamccabe.com to learn more. Connect with Brianna at contact@thebriannamccabe.com or across social media at @thebriannamccabe.