Mindful Dating in the Digital Age: 4 Tips for Sparking Online Connections
In a world filled with distractions and fast-paced interactions, it’s easy to get lost in a sea of swipes. While many people have found success through dating apps or sliding into someone’s DMs, it can feel hard to truly connect with someone or be yourself through a screen. We can easily hide behind a digital veil, only revealing the parts of ourselves that we want others to see. This can make it difficult to form meaningful connections when chatting online, especially when there are notifications from other apps drawing our attention away from the conversation.
To practice mindful dating in the digital age, and be more intentional and present when sparking online conversations, follow these four tips:
1. Identify who you really are – and then confidently showcase that on your socials.
The concept of mindful dating is a simple yet profound one that first starts with you: your values, beliefs, likes, traits, philosophies, hobbies, backgrounds, and overall experiences. Embrace all of these ingredients that have combined to make you, well, you – then proudly and accurately share this information on your profile(s).
To authentically give others a taste of who you are, ask yourself the following questions:
What do I like to do in my free time – and is that shown on my profile?
Is what really matters in my life shown on my profiles, such as my kids, my jobs, or my volunteer work?
Is what I’m looking for clearly stated? (i.e. am I looking for a marriage versus an open relationship? Am I clearly stating that one day I aim to have children versus never wanting them? Am I looking for someone with specific values, such as sharing the same religion?)
Does my profile show my personality?
Am I painting a picture of who I think I should be online for others or does my profile accurately reflect who I am?
Remember: you would hope that someone is actually who they say they are, too.
2. Clearly communicate what you're looking for.
Once you’ve created a connection with someone, it’s critical that you identify and clearly state your values, desires, and deal-breakers as the conversation progresses. By doing so, you will set yourself on a path for success and prevent potential surprises from popping up (which may ultimately lead to heartache). Approaching relationships with intention and cultivating that self-awareness will help you align your dating choices to your long-term goals. In the end, this will allow a partner to integrate into your life, instead of having them become your life.
3. Feel empowered to ask the right questions.
If your relationship is starting off digitally, whether it be through a dating app or you got their number through a mutual friend, keeping it light might be your first instinct. Plus, who doesn’t love some good, flirty banter when you have the shield of a screen to give you some extra bravery?
Once you get to a place where the conversation is flowing, don't be afraid to ask filtering questions to see if they share similar lifestyles, morals, or values. Learn how they like to spend their time and what interests you may have in common. You can tell a lot about a person, and your compatibility, based on how they spend their free time. And remember: even though you're only communicating online, it’s still time that you're investing in them… so make the most of it!
4. Establish a healthy relationship with your phone.
We all know how exciting it feels to stay up late texting someone, as the light illuminates your giddy smile beneath the covers while the night seemingly flies by. And let’s face it: that rush you feel every time you see your screen light up or hear that notification can be intoxicating. But when we’re intoxicated, it’s easy to get careless and lose sight of the real world in front of us. Remember, this person is supposed to fit into your life, not consume it. Don’t allow them to become an escape. Once you fall into this mind trap, it’s easy to begin romanticizing them and fall in love with their potential and the idea you have in your head, rather than the person on the other side of the screen.
Taking this a step further, by not setting boundaries you allow someone you’re just getting to know to interrupt your sleep health and overall routine – which isn’t fair to either of you. You must set expectations early on so that you can gain a realistic idea of what a blossoming relationship could look like as it pertains to your communication and love languages.
With these tactics, your approach to dating in the digital world can become more mindful, honest, and intentional, which can enhance the quality of your connections.
To learn more about healthy relationships and self-love, grab a copy of Brianna McCabe’s self-help dating book, The Red Flags I've (Repeatedly) Ignored.